Australian Tourist Board

16 Dec 2011 – ¬†Australians have a great sense of humour ūüôā

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? UK 
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? USA 

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney Рcan I follow the railroad tracks? Sweden

A:¬†Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.¬†

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? UK

A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? USA

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.¬†Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not… Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia? USA 

A:¬†Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? UK

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
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Q:¬†Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? USA¬†

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? UK

A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? Germany

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:¬†I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. USA

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.¬†You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? USA 

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? France

A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?  USA

A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

HAVE A FABULOUS & HUMOUROUS WEEKEND… ūüôā ūüôā